The Smurfs 2 (2013) – Mike Ward Guest Review

That tagline… Why?

Notice: This review is compliments of my writing associate Mike Ward, at http://shouldiseeit.net/ Luckily for me, I didn’t have to go see this movie! He, however, was not so lucky… Here are his wonderful thoughts!

After the events of the first Smurfs film, the dastardly Gargamel (Hank Azaria) is now wowing audiences in Paris with magic and wizardry. Secretly, he is making Naughties, two rogue, Smurf-like creatures who are the tools for the villain’s nefarious and harebrained plan to abduct Smurfette (Perry) and steal Papa Smurf’s secret formula for creating Smurfs. With his CGI-cat Azrael by his side, Gargamel finds that he is too large to travel through the portal he has created to Smurf Village. Instead, he sends his female Naughtie named Vexy (Christina Ricci), to bring his world domination dreams to reality.

His female Naughtie named Vexy. Once that sinks in, we can move on.

You see, by stealing Papa Smurf’s secret formula, not only will Gargamel turn Vexy and her brother-like creation Hackus (J.B. Smoove) blue, he will then be able to create a legion of Naughties, who will eradicate the Smurf population and take over the world. One small problem for us as viewers though: The Smurfs do not really rule the world these characters inhabit. Human beings still do. As a result, Gargamel is an idiot and this plan of his is, without question, one of the silliest and illogical ever designed for the big screen – even in a world populated by Smurfs. He wants to create a world full of Naughties (what?), but Papa Smurf and the gang will try and beat him at his own game…

For some reason, kids are compelled to watch these little blue things run around and make bathroom jokes and eyebrow-raising double entendres, while the adults slip off into wonderland and take a nap. Or find an excuse to refill their popcorn and sodas. At this point, as someone who grew up on the original Saturday morning cartoon and had over 100 of those collectible, little blue Smurf toys, I have no idea how any of this gets fixed. There is no enchantment, no originality, no intelligence associated with any of this. For even more reasons why this film lacks in every department, continue reading for Mike’s, Tiffany’s Top Ten Thoughts on The Smurfs 2!

 

Times certainly have changed... For the worse, obviously.
Times certainly have changed… For the worse, obviously.

What I Didn’t Enjoy

What I Enjoyed Even Less

They really should have stopped after the first.

There is never a genuine feel to this movie…

Sub-plots… Everywhere.

Neil Patrick Harris, bless his heart, looks like even he doesn’t want to be there.

What’s up with the names of these Smurfs?

None of the characters have great chemistry in this film.

The bad Smurfs are called Naughties… What?

Most of the forced dialog didn’t play well with the kids in the audience.

It took 5 people to write this awful script… 5!

This movie’s premise is just preposterous.

This film was made to advertise and was made for cash.

The guy who directed this did Beverly Hills Chihuahua. That about speaks for itself.

So many terrible puns.

Did I mention how many awful puns there are?

The Smurfs are forced to exaggerate their names within their dialog. (ie. Grouchy is grouchy)

For all the amazing cast and voice actors/actresses this film has, not even they can save this ship from sinking.

As with the first film, this one destroys whatever was left of the original Smurf name.

This film is even more painful to watch than its predecessor. There is no joy here.

Unfortunately, this film will most likely dominate the box office.

Regardless of its box office numbers, Smurfs 3 is already set for 2015…

Overall:

Sadly but realistically, I can pretty much guarantee Columbia Pictures has no desire to change anything going forward because that 5-year-old of mine; she is now 7. And matching every one of the studio’s projections, she walked out of the theater proclaiming to have had “an awesome time”. Perhaps, we can all protest the 3rd Smurf film? We have a couple years…

The Smurfs 2 Trailer
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vQbSGLaVJ5c

1 STAR!!!

1 / 5 stars     

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